Life is full of ironies. Let’s talk ‘dressing rooms.’ For some reason, those who are not strippers are intimidated by the strippers’ dressing room. It is like a taboo of the highest kind… Do they really think upon crossing the threshold an omniscient voice will thunder “Infidel” if you are not a stripper? Well now that I think about it, there is an omniscient voice but I always called him Timothy and the voice was saying ‘check sound’, not so much “Infidel!” I definitely see how the two could easily be confused… (That was sarcasm in case you couldn’t tell.) Right… Focus Foxxxy!
OK so here is the truth about the dressing room… Brace yourselves, I am about to dispel a lot of fantasies… The dressing room is a public rest room with lots of mirrors and counter space! There it is… The truth!!!
I know it is hard to believe magic does not take place back there… Girls walk in looking like hell, dressed in rags, slippers and if you’re lucky, the rats nest of hair is at least pulled up into a pony tail… Then an hour and a half later that same girl walks out, drop dead gorgeous. Ok so maybe I can see how one may be led to believe there is something magic going on…
Trust me, there is NOTHING glamorous about the dressing room. In fact, an outsider would probably think it was downright disgusting. Picture this for a moment… Go back to the locker room from High School… Now replace the center lockers with a very large vanity mirror and counter-tops with electrical outlets running all the way down. Now imagine the brightest, hottest light bulbs you can find and run those all the way across the top. (We need those light bulbs so we don’t have to depend on the little, flickering one over our heads. Ha ha… That was a joke… See I have a sense of humor.) Next, take a bag of makeup, some curling irons, blow driers and other bathroom appliances and dump it all over the counter in a huge pile… Perfect, now repeat until the entire counter is full! Now imagine the smell of the perfume section of a department store just after a child has sampled each perfume then add stale cigarette smoke. (Almost done… you are doing well!) Now scatter a few strippers around.
Now here is the important part… At least one of the girls should be on their cell phone talking about who she screwed the night before, a few should be chatting with each other at the top of their lungs (probably trying to talk over the girl on the phone), and another should be eating a salad or Chinese food. NOW *** ENTER next girl for stage*** She will stand right next to the girl eating, lift her leg, grab a fresh tampon hustle into a stall, re-emerge seconds later, do something that look extremely dangerous with some scissors (**hears her intro for stage**) rush back to the girl eating bend over, then ask politely, “My string isn’t showing is it?” (This isn’t even the amazing part…) The amazing part is that the girl eating will stop to focus her attention and answer, “No, you’re good.” And pick her salad back up and resume eating just as nothing even happened.
Yeah… Stripper dressing rooms are HOT.